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Blogroll
 Thursday, June 21, 2007 Freedom, Glorious Freedom (F,GF): The Postscript
Obviously, in this house the aforementioned F,GF of finishing the ACAD course comes with the F,GF to dress like a gomer. Exhibit A:
 Look at how pleased I am with myself. That's because I dressed myself in exactly this outfit, on purpose, in order to properly celebrate the completion of my course. Let's call it my Celebration Outfit. All the way home I was dreaming of sitting on the back porch swingy seat, drinking beer and revelling in how much I didn't need to know about the Italian and Flemish renaissances ANY MORE, wearing my Celebration Outfit. I got my wish. And even made Turner take a "before" photo to prove it.
I'll break down the ensemble for you, since there's much to behold. I'm wearing my favourite skirt of all time, a flimsy lycra/polyester thing, the waist of which died long ago and is now held to my body using a well-placed safety pin. Totally shapeless and mostly unflattering, it's my FAVE.
Underneath the skirt, black long underwear, the high-tech stuff that keeps you super-toasty. They were my wedding present from Cousin Tanya. I wear them all the time. Totally appropriate for my plan of sitting outdoors until the wee hours.
The sweater is a Granny Val thrift shop special, purchased for 25 cents or thereabouts somewhere in the Kootenays. It looks like wool, and it's warm, but it's actually made of polyester and as such is totally machine washable. Perfect outerwear for someone such as myself on this celebration evening, with plans to eat messy hot dogs with gross condiment combinations and drip them all over myself. (No photographic evidence of the "after" version exists, unfortunately.)
And underneath is a Thai Red Bull tshirt, purchased for Turner at the mall market in Bangkok. It has baseball long sleeved different-coloured arms. It's way too big on me and smells like Turner. I love it.
Finally, my slip-on blue Sketchers with the paint stains and the general overall slouchiness factor. I bought these when I couldn't procure for myself the same amazing funky runners that Anne Yourt had in the summer of 2002 and which I coveted so. These shoes were a compromise purchase. They have worn well and been good friends.
And the exam? I did well. At least an 85%. Marks come out this week.
Categories: Ash | Book Learning
Tuesday, June 19, 2007 Never Again
Never ever ever ever evereverever again will I take a spring semester course. Never! (Nope! Nopenopenope!)
Two and a half hours to the final exam. Then: FREEDOM, glorious freedom.
Categories: Ash | Book Learning
Sunday, June 17, 2007 Kitler!
A few weeks ago I was at Koentges' friend Gavin's house in Hillhurst, shooting the Himmelfahrt feature for the Swerve Drinx column. Gavin has this cat, I can't remember its name. But it looks like Hitler. It has the little Hitler moustache, mainly. We're standing around the backyard setting up the column photographs and I'm told there's a whole website devoted to cats that look like Hitler. And that I should take a photo of Gavin's cat and send it in. Okay, okay, sez I. So I took the photo, then forgot about it. A few weeks went by and I came across the digital file while looking for something else. Found the website on google. Sent it in. Forgot about it for another week or so. Then today I went to check if Gavin's cat had passed muster with the website panel. And yes indeed, Gavin's cat is now, officially, a Kitler.
 My apologies to Gavin that they've listed this cat as mine, i.e. "owned by Ashley Bristowe". I did tell them it was Gavin's cat. I guess they assume that the person who posts the photo owns the cat.
Categories: Calgary
Yip Yips Meet The Telephone
Found via a Metafilter thread, I haven't seen this clip for, oh, probably 25 years. I'm amazed at how much of my adult sense of humour was shaped by the Yip Yips!
Book... Earth book... book book...
(Thanks to both Sean Monkman & JJ for teaching me how to put the You Tube thing right into my entry!)
Categories: Olden Days
Friday, June 15, 2007 Ramsay Courts
Today we had another of those shoots where Turner was made to carry stuff and be the model, and this time it involved a lot of running around, because it had to do with tennis. So we got him all geared up in shorts and running shoes and went just up the hill to the public tennis courts, where I made him bang the ball around for about twenty minutes (with no partner) so I could get a good net-side shot of a pewter flask full of scotch. So he was in the background, but he did have to run and lunge and stuff like that, because you can't just pretend to be playing tennis in photos, for it to look real you really have to be trying at it. So Turner was a good sport, very helpful about trying to be Mr. Action Man in exactly the small range of the court where his body would fit in the proper part of the background of the shot of the scotch flask (which was the ostensible reason for the photograph in the first place). And after twenty minutes of me bunkered down near the net taking photos of him racing around the court chasing the balls he'd bang against the fence, I have to admit that the sun was nice and warm and I felt a bit snuggly and tired. Turner was all exercised and I'd done nothing but lie on my tummy on the warm court. When we came home I had to have a nap.
So here is an arty-type photo of the tennis court from the start of the shoot (from the part of my setup usually called "getting the light"), to conjure up for you the warmness of the court surface and the nice summer day with blowing clouds and whatnot that we are having here in Cowtown:
I love that long crack along the net line.
Categories: Ash | Calgary
Thursday, June 14, 2007 The Ongoing RESP Obsession
Yeah, I'll admit that this is more my obsession than Turner's. But we're both pretty bought-in on the idea that we'd like to be able to provide for Sloane's post-secondary education (whatever that ends up being, sweetie! Seriously! Art school, sure! Engineering, okay! Whatever you want!). We both had that deal from our parents in undergrad. And although we, neither of us, probably really grasped what a gift that was, at the time, in the years since it's been made perfectly plain what an AMAZING gift it is not to have the dreaded student loans that many of our friends are still paying off, now, into their 30s. We do not have those loans. That is an AMAZING gift. Those loans that loom large for years and years? The ones where they garnish your wages, straight out of your bank account, even if it's a shitty recession in Ontario where you can't possibly find a job for love or money (or even "love" for money, not that either Turner or I eventually got to that stage) and they take the money out of your account right at the end of the month, right before you're supposed to pay "rent"? (True story of someone I know.) Oh, but I digress. We are SO GRATEFUL: take heed, our wonderful parents who paid our way. We are now, finally, incredibly thankful for your gift of education!
And so grateful, in fact, that we feel the burning need to do the same for our own child.
And so we save. And save. Even when we're conserving water and shutting off lights at night and using candles instead, we save for you, O Sloaner Baloner, and your eventual post-secondary education. We are not... "unaware" that you will probably waste lots of time in university. And we are not "unaware" that you will drink your face off, perhaps even eventually smoke a doob or two. We know it's bound to happen. We don't LIKE that it's going to happen, but it'll happen whether we like it or not. What we want to ensure for you is the OPPORTUNITY to smoke those doobs and waste that time, IN THE UNIVERSITY ENVIRONMENT. And maybe get some book learnin' in. You know, if you can spare a few moments.
...Sloane, you need to know that your five grandparents are a big part of how we're saving the money for your education. They helped us and now they're helping you. When you're 19 years old and reading this online from whatever amazing place you end up, you need to know who your benefactors were. They roll up coins for you every day (Brucio) and send cheques for special occasions (Gamma and Grampa JT, and Granny and Papa Mike). Your Mama and Dada, we squirrel away every spare cent we have as loonies and toonies. And long ago we decided that the recycling money was yours, so when we take the mountains of soda water cans back, it all goes into your piggy bank. Every night before bed we have a ritual of changing your diaper, putting on pyjamas, and then putting money in the piggy bank. You always check the bottom to make sure nothing falls out. And then every few months we empty it out and take it down to the evil bank people in Mission to have it deposited in your RESP account. We pray, that even whilst they treat us like expendable feudal servants, they invest your money wisely. Seems (from the pie charts on the shiny monthly statements we receive) they're doing okay by us so far.
And that's how it goes. Hopefully we'll have the ONE BAZILLION DOLLARS it'll take to send a kid to university in the year 2024! ...One loonie at a time!
 Sloaner tallies it up whilst Dada pours out the last few months' worth of bedtime-coins.
Categories: Sloane
Wednesday, June 13, 2007 Friday, June 08, 2007 More About The Exhibition
As reported, I sent out this email saying "please come to the exhibition play" and told people that I'd be there on such-n-such dates. So as per the schedule, we headed down to the theatre as a family for repeat performances of the torture-of-watching-strangers-look-at-my-photos, Wednesday, Friday and
Saturday this week. Turner would chase around after Sloane while I hid
behind the structural pillars in the lobby, sucking on martinis. This,
as part of our ongoing campaign to socialize Sloane into being one of
those precocious kids who is at ease in 'thee-ah-tah' (and other
"arts") circles.
We took some pictures (after everyone went into the theatre, so as to prevent me looking like a totally self-absorbed narcisstic asshole):
 On the caption card:
Sydney, Australia. Taken during the Planet Simpson tour through Australia in November 2004. Turner was off doing an interview at some boobsy men’s magazine where women were definitely expected to be naked or absent. Instead of hanging around, I wandered through central Sydney. The shape-echo between the tricking bike and the birds at water’s edge always stuck with us as weird, and awesome.
Metallic paper, 11 x 14. (2004/2007)
Quaich
This traditionally Gaelic vessel usually holds scotch during celebrations. Originally published in Swerve magazine, January 2007.
Metallic paper, 11 x 14.
by Ashley Bristowe (2007)
The captions:
Left -
Fort Macleod Java Shop
Home of the best buffalo burgers in Canada, this old building is perched at a corner, along the southbound Hwy 2 in the middle of Fort Macleod. Part store, part restaurant, part bus station, the corner is dusty.
photographic ink print and laminate on canvas, 20 x 24.
by Ashley Bristowe (2004/2007)
Right -
Knowles Motel
Just east of Moose Jaw, SK off a feeder road to the TransCanada Hwy. The prairie sky was – obviously – doing one of its midsummer showstoppers. We were pulling a drive-till-we-drop cross-country sprint but roared onto the shoulder for this one.
photographic ink print and laminate on canvas, 20 x 24.
by Ashley Bristowe (2004/2007)
These are the ones that sold. I think I've agreed to a limited run of 5 prints (remember, many martinis): at this manipulation, this size, three sets are sold. We're going to keep one set. Which leaves one for the clamouring masses. If you think that based on this photo that you. must. have. a. set... Well? I suggest you contact me post haste: (403) 234-0176. They are awesome, but my natural inclintation to think my friends are humouring me leads me to believe that I shouldn't wait by the phone. (Prove me wrong?)
 ...Etcerera. Vertigo Theatre, Calgary. (2007)
There were others, but I got too self-conscious and had to go home and throw up.
My official apologies to Mark Heard, with whom I originally offered to share this exhibition but I didn't get my shit together in time. I am a big narcisstic asshole. Also I was registered in Art History 110 at ACAD and it seemed to suck up every moment of my free time (please see previous postings re: this) that I would have otherwise used to be not-a-narcisstic-asshole in the sense that I would've finally figured out a time to meet and get our photo choices sorted. Let's do something at ArtSpace in the fall? Sorry again. Love Ash
Categories: Ash | Calgary | Sloane | Work work work
The Hockey Thing
I won't go on and on here, because I mainly just want to post this photo. But those who know me know that I'm not a particular fan of hockey. It's more about how men behave when they're watching hockey than anything, but there's also the thing where many boys are perfectly nice and normal and doing fine as teenagers playing hockey and then around age 16 or 17 the ones who get to pre-Junior-A sort of level turn into GIANT ASSHOLES. Almost to a one. It's really quite extraordinary.
Anyway, I'm not going to talk about that. I just wanted to post this picture. It's from the second-last game of the Stanley Cup Final, where Ottawa went on to lose on home ice. Turner was cheering vociferously for the Sens to choke. Brucio for his part had trained Sloane to chant out, "GO SENS GO. GO SENS GO!" Me, I hid in the kitchen, biting my fists.
 Caption: The Brainwashing Of Sloane Turner.
Subtitle: Wherein My Husband & Father Conspire To Destroy Me And My Girlchild.
Categories: Ash | Sloane | Turner
Thursday, June 07, 2007 Tuesday, June 05, 2007 My First Exhibition (Not Counting Accidentally Flashing People On Dancefloors)
On Friday my first Calgary exhibition of photos opened. Long ago I was asked to be the artist in residence for this year's Mob Hit Old School theatre festival. They're doing a kick-ass Titus Andronicus, which we went to go see last Friday at the opening.
Two prints (photographic ink on canvas, 20x24) from my long-term prairie neon sign series. Photo by Chris Turner.
Friends very kindly got into a faux bidding war over the above pieces. I'm not sure, but I think we settled on having another set made. To that point I was hiding behind a seperate sculpture installation, too terrified to go anywhere near the easels holding up my work. Thank you, you people did exactly the most amazing thing at the right moment, and with sufficient sincerity that I could keep my head out of my ass for the rest of the evening. Even if you don't want the pictures after all!
This is the email I sent out the next day, after I'd calmed down and was sufficiently satisfied that I hadn't totally embarrassed myself:
Hi there. I was too crazed and nervous to tell
anyone about this before, but I'm in the midst of my first artistic
photo exhibition here in Calgary. I'm writing to ask for your support:
send no money, just come see the pieces!
Running tonight, and
next week from Tuesday until Saturday, I'm the featured artist at the
Mob Hit Old School theatre festival centred at the Vertigo Theatre (in
the base of the Calgary Tower on 9th Ave downtown). The play is Titus Andronicus
and we attended opening night last night - definitely the most
comprehensible Shakespeare I've ever seen performed, some really superb
acting (especially by the Moor!) and lots of blood and gore -
excitement, she wrote!
Basically the deal is this - you come
to see the play, and whilst milling around beforehand and at
intermission you peruse my photos and (please) make kind comments about
same in the general vicinity of the easels. The exhibition of my work
includes two canvas pieces from my ongoing prairie neon sign series
(Ft. Macleod and Moose Jaw), and five pieces from across my portfolio.
Hip, interesting people will surround you for a cool night out on the
town. Easy Ctrain access. Ashley will be so very pleased that you are a
wonderful person with only amazing gifts to bring to the world. You
really can't lose.
If
you want some assistance buying tickets, I can be your go-between if
you like, but it's easy to call 221-3708 or just show up at the theatre
most nights and buy rush tickets. I will be at the theatre on
Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday next week (June 6th, 8th, and 9th) if
you want to plan to attend on a night that I'll be there. Alternately,
if you work downtown or happen to find yourself nearby the theatre
during the daytime after 12pm, I'm certain that if you ask the box
office to just let you go down for a few minutes to see the photos,
they will.
All the best and thanks again for your continuing support!
Ash
Take that, Canada Council.
 Sloaner sez Mama is so "a professional artist". Raise the roof!
Categories: Ash | Work work work
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